You’ve heard of “girl math” — well, here comes mother-in-law math. But watch out, one expert warns, because this one can be toxic.
Janelle Riddle, a mom-of-two and communication coach based in Canada, has gone viral on social media listing sometimes hilarious examples of “mother-in-law math,” in a video that’s already garnered more than 898,000 views.
“Toxic mother-in-law math is having four, five, six grandchildren, deciding one of them is your favorite and making sure everybody knows loud and clear,” she explained.
It also includes deciding the gathering they’re hosting for the holidays is the most important one of the season for their adult child to attend, regardless of the spouse’s plans, she said.
Speaking of spouses, Riddle added, the “toxic” in-law will place the blame for decisions they don’t like on whichever partner isn’t their child.
“Favorite equation of all is not understanding how talking s–t about your daughter-in-law, being mean to your daughter-in-law, doesn’t, in fact, equate to her wanting to spend a whole bunch of time with you,” she joked.
“And a variable to that equation is that her spouse, your child, may also not spend very much time with you as a result.”
In a subsequent clip — or “round two,” as Riddle called it — the TikToker explained that “toxic mother-in-law math” also entails never putting in effort to see their grandchildren, but then also complaining that they never see their grandkids.
“Toxic mother-in-law math is accusing your daughter-in-law of spending your ‘son’s money’ when she buys something for herself, when, they as a family, have decided that she’s gonna stay home to be with their children,” she said.
Speaking to Today, Riddle explained that the husbands of said mother-in-laws should support their spouses and not “condone any sort of disrespect.”
“Relationships are a two-way street. But if you broke the road, you can’t expect your daughter-in-law to travel down it,” Riddell told Today. “And you can’t expect your daughter-in-law to be solely responsible for rebuilding the road. You have to rebuild it together.”
But Riddle never expected her “toxic mother-in-law math” concept to gain as much traction, or reactions, as it did.
On TikTok, viewers offered their own versions of “MIL math” in the comments based on personal experience.
“Toxic mother in law math when they think they should come before their sons wife. And he should drop everything when they call and need help,” one person said.
“Mil math is thinking there’s a conspiracy to make mil the bad guy in every situation. they do that all on their own,” another chimed in.
“TMM: packing up 5 kids and all their essentials and Hauling them across town for DIL to make you dinner is easier than driving 2 ppl to visit them,” chirped someone else.
“Toxic MIL math — gossiping about your daughters and DIL and wondering why your son won’t share personal details of his life,” added another.