In an “Am I The A–hole?” Reddit thread, a mother has wrestled with the decision to make her pregnant teenage daughter move out before the baby’s arrival.
The 17-year-old daughter, seven weeks pregnant and determined to continue with the pregnancy, faces resistance from her mother, who questions the daughter’s readiness for motherhood.
“Her: I’ll get a job. Me: Who’s going to watch the baby while you’re at work? Her: I thought you and Dad could. Me: Absolutely not, I’m not raising another baby.”
Who will care for the baby?
The tension escalated when the daughter, planning to work after the baby’s birth, assumed her parents would take on caregiving responsibilities.
The mother vehemently opposed the idea of raising another child at her stage of life.
“I’m very recently retired, and my husband is retiring in exactly 11 months (there’s a countdown), and this is not how I want to spend my retirement years.
“It’s not fair to us. So, I told her that she has until the baby is born to find a place to live.
“My husband has always been wrapped around her finger (which normally is endearing; I love how much he loves our children), so he is not fully on board with that, but I feel like we need to be united on this.
“I just want to know if I’m in the wrong here?” the mother explained.
The ultimatum: move out before the baby is born
Faced with the prospect of raising her grandchild, the mother issued an ultimatum: the daughter must find her own place before the baby arrives.
This decision sparked a debate about responsibility and the mother’s right to safeguard her retirement.
“You can be upset she wants to keep the baby, but that’s ultimately not your or ‘every other adult in her life’s’ choice to make,” suggested a Reddit commenter.
“I think you’re correct that she is assuming you will be more of a caretaker than you’d like to and maybe isn’t thinking things through, as a normal teenager.”
Reddit’s verdict
Reddit users weighed in on the situation, offering diverse perspectives.
Some sympathised with the mother’s stance, while others emphasised the daughter’s right to choose.
“[You’re] not the asshole. She chose to go through with this pregnancy, and if she is mature enough, in her mind, to be a mom, then she is mature enough to figure out her situation,” argued one commenter.
Amidst the Reddit discussions, individuals shared personal experiences of teen parenthood, shedding light on the challenges faced by young parents and the impact on extended family members.
“Having been through this myself, the hardest part for your daughter is going to be finding a well-paying first-shift job,” shared one mom.
“The sucky part is that most jobs for people this age are service requiring work past 6 p.m. There are very few daycares that are open past 6 p.m.”
Teen pregnancy
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Wellbeing, in 2021, women who gave birth at the age of under 20 accounted for 1.5% of all mothers.
The number of teenage mothers giving birth has more than halved since 2011 (11,016), and the proportion has fallen from 3.7%.